We’ve fourteen , count’em, fourteen items for sale folks!
Our inaugural item for your consideration is…
…the Memory Editor! Ever want to cut away those pesky bad memories, maybe add a couple good ones, or even just touch up your makeup after you’ve already taken it all off? Then this gadget here is for you!
For the low low price of dropping from the ninth tax bracket down to the eigth, you can get a trusted buddy limitless access to your head!
Item numero dos, perfect for the God on the go…
…a stone necklace! Place it around any disiple’s neck! The more they fail to fight your utter domination, the more utterly you will dominate them! Perfect for delivering your Divine Orders! Not an actual God? No problemo! This necklace don’t discriminate!
For our third extraordinary, we have something, or rather, someone, who’s absolutely Legendary. He’a a shy chap, but he’ll be a lifelong friend whether you want one or not.
Take this present from him, and he will find you soon enough. You’ll want to spend every waking moment with him. You’ll want him all to yourself. He always knows exactly what you want to hear, and exactly what you need to.
Comimg up in our fourth slot is a sweet treat with a sour aftereffect!
Commandy lets you program orders into a candy! Whoever eats it has to do it, or at least try their best to, and once they’re done, the sweet is nice enough to just see itself out.
Wow, already at five! Ever want to show someone just how little their life means to you? Well now you can.
Watch as their muscles atrophy, their motions restrict, their body grows frail, their vision becomes clouded, and their hope drains away. Show them just how much you hate them.
Well thay was dark! Maybe six will be happier!
…well, it’s fairly Legendary, going by that price tag! Give this to your generals for perfect obedience, AND to help them keep their own goons in line!
Ah, here’s the problem! I was wearing number seven this whole time!
Why be demoralized alone when you can demoralize everybody? Spread the despair!
Whew, finally got those off me! Ready for number eight? I know I am!
The Real Me Body Mod Pod can help you to be the you you have always wanted to be! Just be warned, you’ll need to stay similar in size and physiology if you don’t want to have to sustain it manually. But, now you can be the real you!
Number nine, feelin’ fine! Time for a product recommended by none other than the Dursleys on Privet Drive in Little Whinging!
Granted, you need some form of telepathy to use it, but you can slip this on that unruly child’s finger and make them the perfect child, manually!
Our tenth item is beloved by couples and courts alike!
Not only can it make you tell what you think is the truth, it even helps refresh your memory!
For our eleventh, folks, we have got the perfect summer friend!
At nearly six gallons every minute, that’s nearly a gallon every ten seconds flowing out at two feet per second! 45 cubic feet of water in an hour, just uncap the canteen!
I’ve always liked the number twelve, myself. I also much like toys. If you’re like me, you want plenty of them!
Get a random disposeable toy, or, if you have eight hours, get a lifelong buddy! Even better, you only need to wait an hour between the big projects!
They say thirteen is unlucky, but is that so? Well, let’s hope not because our penultimate item is meant to help you feel better!
It can walk! It won’t talk! It’ll heal you right up! And you only have to pay once!
And, at long last, out fourteenth and final item for the night! You’ve never seen 3D printing like this!
That’s right, a vending machine for whatever you may need! Each one comes preloaded with a set few items it can let out, or, with a replicator model, you can use a real object as a template! Just don’t forget, it doesn’t run off of nothing! New chestplate? Done! New sword? Ready! A rope maybe? Just say no more! Now, it won’t give you anything extraordinary, not even the copy machines, but it’ll give you plenry of ordinary!
Order now and get 10% off with the promo code CRAZYMAC! That’s C R A, Z Y, M A C!
Already own one of these wonderful things? Then feel free to share your thoughts! We’d love to know how we can make our products better!